Trajectories

yoo hoo

and how’s your day going?

a nightmare maybe

my parents had enthusiastically arranged a scrabble competition, involving i and a few other specifically chosen people. it was thought to be a good idea, the others chosen considered suitable for a nice time of exchanging some time diplomatically through scrabble. it was supposed to be an international event, a Big Deal, i was supposed to be the gracious hostess. i found out about it only at the last minute, annoyed that no one told me and nervous because i had no idea what to do, i was suddenly expected to perform and i, as usual, have no inclination where to start. indeed its at times where it matters like this that i do the complete opposite at all, i can’t even work out the basic courtesies that i usually am familiar with when i’m not overthinking it. they were to be arriving in a while, for this big event.

i fussed about logistics, like how there weren’t tables. everyone else was nonchalant, in a way that is especially annoying when you think its important, but they just go blah about it, and you can’t get anyone to listen to your frantic exclamations. ‘there are no tables !’ i seem to say. and then they say there, the sofas are there, it will do. and i was thinking about it and realising that it won’t do because its soft and squishy and it wouldn’t be a solid enough surface to write on (for some reason there was writing involved). we’ve got to get some tables, i thought. earlier, they had brought me my brother and his friends…though they weren’t my brother and his friends. They looked like really cool looking rock star people. and i had the same feeling of when i was younger, and they were the cooler older people. like when i was eight and looking at my thirteen yr old older brother and his friends thru eight year old eyes…thinking wow they’re cool, in another exclusive world of their own. so they were brought, and they were supposed to support in whatever way they can. after standing around for awhile waiting to be told what to do, no one told them what to do and five minutes later they had left for another cooler place.

so i was thinking„ there are no tables ! and thinking bout everything else we might need. what do we need, what do we need. in my planny, fix it mode. suddenly our guests had arrived, and someone said to me, you must go kneel by the door to welcome them, thats the scrabble competition convention. i didn’t think it weird at all. so i went, knelt by the wooden door, said welcome and shook their hand. someone remarked how clever i was to have known that that was the cultured convention of scrabble competitions. common ppl wouldn’t have known, and she was very impressed. suddenly in my fix it mode still going thru the things we might need,
because it was such a rush and i was just processing everything this minute, i realised that we had no judge. i told ‘my parents’ we need to have a judge !. they went, bah. no, you can just look after it yourselves. No, i said.. we need someone to look up words in the dictionary, and if the players don’t agree on whether it should be allowed or not, we need someone to say the final word, for it to be fair ! and they said…no, you can look up the words yourself in the dictionary. and for some reason in my dream i thought it can’t be done, we need a referee. at that point, they (they were all the while in a happy smiley demeanor, everything its sweet and dandy dahling.they had old 60s hair and cute candy coloured old dresses and clothes on, ribbons, everything fine and dandy and smiley). at that point they went, wouldn’t it be a lovely idea to go to the beach now?. and oh yes, and like it was the most normal sweetest thing to do in the world, they upped to go to the beach. And it was obvious to me then that in being responsible for planning for this big event they just realized they hadn’t planned it well enough and now when there were things to solve they wanted to wash their hands off it. it was my responsibility now.

So i half panicked, and still needing a judge, i went to look for ‘my brother and his friends’. When i opened the door to the hall, there was a bizarre party going on, everyone was in brighter than life costumes and make up. they were dancing, having an extravagant blast. when i got to one of ‘my brother’s friends’ i said we need a referee! He/she was getting in line, they were gonna do a dance, all of them, in a long caterpillar line. He/she was dancing as he listened, and i went on my explanation tirade of the reasonable reasons why we need a judge, to be fair. He (he seemed to be wearing a classic ballroom dress) said -  ok. Next week. I’ll come do it next week.

and my hopes before that when he said ‘ok’ collapsed and i was flabbergasted and felt like screaming and all these uncaring people leaving it all to me. as i realized i wouldn’t be able to find a judge, and this whole thing will be a disaster, and the buck will come to me.

17th november, 2009.

shit.

i wish all our life lessons were this beautiful.

and then i realized that they are indeed. life is so lovely, and i want to live it.